As I lay in bed attempting to write this post, my head is full of thoughts as I stare at the empty side of the bed that is supposed to hold the man I have given my whole life and devoted the last 5 years of my life to. Dinners are filled with silence more painful than childbirth. I think how I would react to a kind word or a sweet caress. Would I give in or stay rigid to the absurdity of the gesture. My heart has grown so cold to the thought of a happily ever after. I shiver from what, hurt feelings or the cold winter draft that leaks through the window that brings the early morning rays. Should I give into the bland routine I have grown accustomed to or should I demand to be loved like a newborn baby? Time has numbed any thought of Prince Charming. My dreams are filled with nothing. Gone are the wishes of falling head over heels. In its place are dreams of dungeons with no escape. To be trapped is an understatement. This is worse than a prison for there is no expiry date. I have pleaded for a reprieve only to be ignored like the 4 walls that surround me.
This is just a start of a thought for a story. Any thoughts? Good or bad? Should I pursue this or just let it rest? Input is always welcome.
Excellent! You get the reader right into an emotional whirlpool. I also thought you were writing a personal experience from your heart. However, I would break up your first sentence.– As I lay in bed attempting to write, my head is a whirlpool of thoughts – some fearful, some angry, and some joyful. I stare at the empty side of the bed. The man I had devoted my whole life to was gone. – I’m not sure that using “whole life” and “5 years” go together. The rest of your writing doesn’t need changed other than numbers should be spelled out. I don’t expect you to use exactly what I’ve written but I hope it gives you some ideas. You need to keep this part terse like you have in the rest of the paragraph. I don’t think my suggestion is terse enough. Looking at it again, I’d delete “attempting to write”; drop the adjective list and put only one adjective in front of the word ‘thoughts’ to keep it terse.
You can ignore my suggestions if you want. I’m not a well-known nor a well-published author. I’ve love to read and most of my writing skills come from reading.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much for your advice. I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration. I am always looking for critiques to help make my work the best it can be. Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, you had me fooled. This felt so personal, I thought this was memoir, not a story. Well done. Yes, I’d keep going with it. The narrator feels very real!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! No it’s not personal. Luckily I am happily married to my best friend but it does make me wonder how it is for someone who is not in the same situation.
LikeLike
You write very nicely, I thought it was me you write about. Really love your post. Follow me too please 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! Follow returned 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello there! Thanks for the follow today! At first I thought this was your personal story until I read the last sentence. I’m sure it’s a story that many people could relate to. I’m curious to see how the character grows from this experience and what kind of changes she might make in her life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey! No this isn’t my story. I am lucky to be happily married. I just thought of this while I was laying in bed next to my husband watching his favorite tv show. I am excited to see what happens too. I don’t have a plan. I just let it go how it comes to me. Thank you for checking out my post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your welcome! Go with the flow and put your feelers out! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I will continue to do that.
LikeLike
Had me hooked! Keep writing Ashley!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yay! Thank you! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Despair is sometimes a catalyst for discovery, change, and renewal of some sort. I think this story idea is just fine, but my thought would be to move it along rather quickly to attempts at making a new life, even if they aren’t successful at the start. Happy Writing!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your input!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just an initial thought. Follow your muse and have fun. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks a lot for following my blog 😍
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m always interested in reading what others have to say 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
😍I too love reading comments of my lovely bloggers ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
And your recipes look so good
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your kind appreciation
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very well written, you had me sucked in … readers seem to go for that dark woeful stuff but it’s certainly not my preference. Life should be about light and love. Sure there are struggles and bad relationships but ….
LikeLiked by 2 people
I don’t know where this came from. I was just laying in bed next to my husband watching Agents of Shield and the words just started forming on their own. I just had to write them down.
LikeLiked by 2 people
lol well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
my pleasure!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great start! I say go for it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you!
LikeLike