Loneliness of a broken-heart

As I lay in bed attempting to write this post, my head is full of thoughts as I stare at the empty side of the bed that is supposed to hold the man I have given my whole life and devoted the last 5 years of my life to. Dinners are filled with silence more painful than childbirth. I think how I would react to a kind word or a sweet caress. Would I give in or stay rigid to the absurdity of the gesture. My heart has grown so cold to the thought of a happily ever after. I shiver from what, hurt feelings or the cold winter draft that leaks through the window that brings the early morning rays. Should I give into the bland routine I have grown accustomed to or should I demand to be loved like a newborn baby? Time has numbed any thought of Prince Charming. My dreams are filled with nothing. Gone are the wishes of falling head over heels. In its place are dreams of dungeons with no escape. To be trapped is an understatement. This is worse than a prison for there is no expiry date. I have pleaded for a reprieve only to be ignored like the 4 walls that surround me.

This is just a start of a thought for a story. Any thoughts? Good or bad? Should I pursue this or just let it rest? Input is always welcome.

Published by Ashleyhouck

I’m a stay at home mom to 3 wonderful angels and many fur babies.

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  1. Excellent! You get the reader right into an emotional whirlpool. I also thought you were writing a personal experience from your heart. However, I would break up your first sentence.– As I lay in bed attempting to write, my head is a whirlpool of thoughts – some fearful, some angry, and some joyful. I stare at the empty side of the bed. The man I had devoted my whole life to was gone. – I’m not sure that using “whole life” and “5 years” go together. The rest of your writing doesn’t need changed other than numbers should be spelled out. I don’t expect you to use exactly what I’ve written but I hope it gives you some ideas. You need to keep this part terse like you have in the rest of the paragraph. I don’t think my suggestion is terse enough. Looking at it again, I’d delete “attempting to write”; drop the adjective list and put only one adjective in front of the word ‘thoughts’ to keep it terse.
    You can ignore my suggestions if you want. I’m not a well-known nor a well-published author. I’ve love to read and most of my writing skills come from reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! No it’s not personal. Luckily I am happily married to my best friend but it does make me wonder how it is for someone who is not in the same situation.

      Like

  2. Hello there! Thanks for the follow today! At first I thought this was your personal story until I read the last sentence. I’m sure it’s a story that many people could relate to. I’m curious to see how the character grows from this experience and what kind of changes she might make in her life.

    Like

    1. Hey! No this isn’t my story. I am lucky to be happily married. I just thought of this while I was laying in bed next to my husband watching his favorite tv show. I am excited to see what happens too. I don’t have a plan. I just let it go how it comes to me. Thank you for checking out my post.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Despair is sometimes a catalyst for discovery, change, and renewal of some sort. I think this story idea is just fine, but my thought would be to move it along rather quickly to attempts at making a new life, even if they aren’t successful at the start. Happy Writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very well written, you had me sucked in … readers seem to go for that dark woeful stuff but it’s certainly not my preference. Life should be about light and love. Sure there are struggles and bad relationships but ….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know where this came from. I was just laying in bed next to my husband watching Agents of Shield and the words just started forming on their own. I just had to write them down.

      Liked by 2 people

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